Too Much Information

I can’t tell you what a difficult time we had naming our daughter.   In my 12th week of pregnancy, we found out that there was “no external plumbing.”  My husband and I poured over name books from the moment we found out.   Mostly this exercise involved one of us reading out a potential name, the other solidly rejecting, then stating the reason why this name was not suitable. 

 “I dated a girl with that name in high school.”  “There are way too many ______ already.”  “My cousin has already claimed that name.” 

Too long.  Too short.  Too trendy.  Too plain.  Too strong.  Too foreign.   Too cute.  Too…

Every couple goes through this, I know.  But, when you have a TWO lawyer couple,  at least one is  playing devil’s advocate.  Always…. trying to find the loophole, the argument that hasn’t been thought of, the surprise information that will sway the jury.  It’s a process to be sure.  One of us said “Miranda” and there was noticeable silence.  We BOTH liked it.  I think I may have liked it a tiny bit more than he did.  However, when I told him that Miranda was Prospero’s daughter in Shakespear’s The Tempest….  the beautiful, smart, totally sheltered daughter… that sealed the deal.  THAT would be his daughter too.   She lived with her father on an island, cloistered away from all other men.  It was just Dad, and a couple of non-human creatures.  I’m sure he’ll whisk her away to a man-free island by the time she’s 15.  Seriously. 

Because of our legal backgrounds, many people ask if she’s named after the “Miranda Rights” case.  You know, the infamous criminal case…”You have the right to remain silent.  Anything you say….”  Uhhh… nope.  Miranda was the defendant’s last name and he was a rapist.  So, NO.

And she’s not named after Miranda from Sex in the City… ’cause honestly, we’ve never watched that show!

So, it’s always been Miranda from The Tempest.  She even likes the story.

Yesterday, when I was folding clothes in the next room, Miranda, age 8,  got on the Internet.  She loves to research things.  Whenever she has a question I can’t answer, she’s right there reading away.  Fantastic source of information.  She doesn’t really get around on the web all that much.  She sticks to the Webkins site, PBSkids, a few databases that are maintained by her school library…. SAFE stuff.

She calls out, “Mom, did you know that I am a moon of yer anus?” 


Moon. Anus…. bad things.  All the horror stories I’ve heard about the web and children flash into my mind.  WHAT is she looking at!!!!!?????

I run in.  She’s on Wikipedia.  She has googled ‘Miranda’ and found this…

Miranda is the smallest and innermost moon of the planet Uranus. 

I was so relieved that I could do nothing else but laugh.

So, she’s still our sheltered, sweet little thing.  Purchasing some real estate on that island is kinda lookin’ like a mighty good thing though. Too much information. 

We did a bit more research about THE PLANET, just so she would be able to use the word in the proper context.  We learned that Uranus is HUGE compared to the Earth,  and that it also has rings… kind of like Saturn.  Uranus also takes 84 years to orbit around the sun.  Forgive me if my humor tends toward that of a ten year old boy, but after the initial shock, the whole thing seems absolutely funny. 

Hopefully, Ben, my kindergartner, won’t head off to school today and tell all his friends about the moons of Uranus.  Or let his teacher in on the fact that,  “Yer anus is HUGE compared to the size of the Earth!”   I wouldn’t want to field that call from the teacher.


One thought on “Too Much Information

  1. Kim , what a hilarious post ! I can just imagine the look on your face when she called out that she is the “moon over yer anus ” Hysterical !

    Oh, and if your son actually made that statement to his teacher…. Now, that would be a scream LOL.

    Thanks for making me laugh 🙂

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